Random shit to get out of my head…
So, I was at the bagel shop yesterday. I was desperately trying to puke out a couple more pages of well crafted prose before deadline. Yes, I know one does not typically puke well crafted prose…I was on deadline, and all rules of writing style and etiquette are subverted.
Any way, there was a young couple there with a screaming child who was about three years old. I gritted my teeth and wrote a paragraph about a screaming monkey that is crushed by a rock by villagers who hate him…then I deleted that paragraph because I just don’t have the writing skill to justify a screaming monkey in the forests of North America.
The kid finally shut up when they removed him from the high chair and let him wander about. He teetered over to me and stuck his jelly covered hand on my leg. I tolerantly wiped grape jelly from my pants, and the mother said, “You have a new friend.” I gave her the patronizing smile one uses for the mentally impaired and tried to think of adjectives to make a particular sentence longer (see prior blog).
The kid moved on to annoy the fuck out of other patrons, and I was happy. Like bad pennies, boomerangs and the Jersey Shore cast, he inevitably returned. This time he reached up, grabbed my half eaten bagel, and took a bite of it. He returned it with the amount of toddler drool one would expect. To this, the mother said, and I shit you not, “I guess he’s hungry.”
“Are you fucking kidding?” I asked. This caused a general pause of all sound and activity in the place. The mother collected her beast, and they departed with ample glares for everyone.
If I were master of the universe, I would probably institute an instant death penalty for fuckwits. “Sorry, you’re a fuckwit. Zap!” Alas, I am not. So, I went back to writing.
There is a tremendous relief after deadline is met and the submission is made. The next deadline seems soooo far away…until it sneaks up and bites you in the crotch.
My Niners and my Utes won this weekend. I have no illusions that the Niners are particularly good this year. However, after really sucking for so long, they picked the year of the Andrew Luck sweepstakes to be solidly mediocre….sigh. The runnin’ Utes are getting a crash course in the relative sizes of fish and ponds.
With the Arab Spring revolutions and the virally spreading Occupy protests, there is a general feeling of something significant and imminent shifting in the world. I just hope it doesn’t happen on a deadline weekend.
I’m Darren, and I write.