Back in October, I wrote about my joyous experience with the Ohio DMV…https://drleo37.wordpress.com/2011/10/08/i-feel-a-rant-coming-on/
Mary Jane is a ski resort in Colorado. It is my favorite ski resort. They have epic bump runs and do not groom the shit out of their mountain. Locals call Mary Jane “MJ”. This information becomes material to the story shortly.
A few weeks ago I was driving along a freeway in the rust state. I am not an aggressive driver. I tend to stay at or below the speed limit and let the wannabe Earnhardts of the world have at it. The BSW would say I am well ahead of “old man driving” schedule. On a three lane freeway with a 65 mph limit, I was in the right lane going about 60. While cars passed me going 90 mph, a state trooper pulled me over.
I handed him the Ohio driver’s license it took so much effort to acquire. He said he’d pulled me over because I was too close to the truck in front of me…the truck that was about a quarter fucking mile ahead of me.
“Nice sticker,” he said referring to the MJ sticker on the back of my Jeep.
“You like marijuana?”
“Huh?” There was an awkward pause.
“Oh, it’s a ski resort in Colorado,” I said.
“Sure it is.”
He took my license and went off to do whatever it is they do in their police cars. He returned to interrogate me as to how long I’d been in Ohio, where I lived, where I was going, what I did for a living, my thoughts on the Arab spring, my favorite color of M&M, the best lead singer of Van Halen and such. He then informed me that my license plates were expired.
“Really?” I said in a close approximation of a Scooby Doo voice. In the midst of the job and the relocation, I was in Ohio, and the title to the Jeep was lost somewhere in Rhode Island. He gave me a stern talking to and let me go.
Flash forward to yesterday wherein I resolved to resolve the issue. Getting a new title to the Jeep is a six to eight week process. My brilliant thought was to just reregister my car in Rhode Island. The RI DMV doesn’t do a lot of actual DMV stuff…like registrations. You have to go to an AAA office for that. So, I did. Thus, I was informed that I can not register my car in RI with an OH driver’s license. Soooo, I gathered the critical evidence that I exist (birth certificate, passport, social security card, and a picture of a truck I drew in Mrs. West’s first grade class) and live here (a bill) and returned to the seventh circle of hell.
I now once again have an RI driver’s license. I still do not have a new registration for my vehicle. That is for round 3 in hell today. I am mainlining coffee, praying to the god of autos, popping some Xanax, listening to gregorian chants, and looking for a hammer….to beat myself in the head as necessary.
Perhaps I am Sisyphus and destined to revisit the DMV every day for eternity. Can you imagine a worse hell?