What does depression look like?

I was clicking through channels and saw some douchebag talking head state that most people with depression are just looking for sympathy and the rest should just cheer up.

Depression is not just “feeling down” or being sad.  People with depression do not walk around twenty four/seven in such a manner that everyone who looks at them goes “Wow.  They’re depressed.”  It manifests differently for different people.  It is most certainly not something to snap out of or just get over.  For me, this is what depression looks like:

*Sleeping twenty hours in a day

*Not sleeping at all for two days

*Laying in bed looking at the wall for fourteen hours

*Seeing the mail falling out of the stuffed mailbox and walking right by it.

*Staring at a computer screen for six hours and unable to even reply to an email.

*Not even bothering to check the voicemails; let alone return a call or actually answer the phone.

*Holding a steak knife and wondering how much pain would be involved before dying if I rammed it in my gut.

*Mustering the energy to make a to do list then wallowing in the guilt for failing to accomplish anything on it.

*Disintegration of relationships because it does actually take two people participating.

*Physical aches and pains

*Hearing about someone dying and thinking, “lucky bastard.”

*Looking at a pair of skis and a bike leaning against the wall and not even caring that I used to enjoy those things.

*Attempting suicide.

I can put on the happy face for periods of time.  Most people who know me probably don’t even know I suffer from depression.  Those close to me most certainly know, and they suffer too.  I am walking proof that it is not something to just get over (god knows I tried), and I have the literal scars to prove it.

Depression is an illness.  It is not an emotion. 

I’m Darren, and I suffer from depression.

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12 Responses to What does depression look like?

  1. I’m Kelly, and I do, too. Mine manifests itself quite differently than yours, but there are a few similarities. I wish I had the answer. I promise, I’d share.

  2. Beth says:

    Darren, well said. I also suffer from depression. I didn’t know about yours. Like you, I put on the happy face for most of the world much of the time. Said douche of a talking head should shut the fuck up and read the research. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Thanks for sharing Darren.

  4. Thank you for your honest post. It made me cry, and so has just about everything today. I wonder if depression is common among writers.

  5. Christian Rene Friborg says:

    I suffered from depression. You to deserve a special help. You can do it! I know you can.

  6. jen says:

    I too, suffer from depression. It’s a cancer to the soul. Hugs for you & fight on, my friend. Today will be a good day.

  7. Rebel Sowell says:

    I also suffer from depression. Medications help but make me seem like a robot. Talking helps as well. Mine comes and goes so I’ve never thought about suicide. I have affirmations I read whenever I feel a spell coming on. I keep telling myself, “Life is good. I’ve got to live it to the fullest.” Sometimes you have to force yourself to reach out. Looks like you have plenty of us here for you when you need us. Can’t wait to see you!

  8. Ellen says:

    Most of us suffer in silence wishing it would all just go away. As hard as we try to shake it some days are so dark and heavy… I have to constantly remind myself of the many blessings I have and only sometimes does this really help. This is the worst time of year for depression so hang in there and fight on. You are definitely not alone.

  9. Carrie says:

    Death Sentence is perfect. Like does it ever go away, I am still waiting after 13 years. Does it get worse ??? Uh, Yes it does. Sometimes I even have days of complete clarity. please dont forget the anxiety that come with. I am being totally sarcastic. The only thing I can say is find something that you like, comforts you, and embrace it. You will find your peace there and it will grow….. Keep busy no matter how hard it is…….. I’m not giving up 🙂

  10. Helena Chase says:

    I tell myself to” just do something”, when swirling down to hell. I just got a call from a tenant saying her hot water tap was broken and I started to cry and thought ” I can’t do it” , but I will……… I have to……… This comes and goes throughout my life and I know it will eventually pass. I can’t do the 13 hours staring at the bedroom walls and wanting to slash ,though. Went through that years ago and realize I must get up and at least wander around the house in a daze. Wow, what a drag depression is !

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