I was clicking through channels and saw some douchebag talking head state that most people with depression are just looking for sympathy and the rest should just cheer up.
Depression is not just “feeling down” or being sad. People with depression do not walk around twenty four/seven in such a manner that everyone who looks at them goes “Wow. They’re depressed.” It manifests differently for different people. It is most certainly not something to snap out of or just get over. For me, this is what depression looks like:
*Sleeping twenty hours in a day
*Not sleeping at all for two days
*Laying in bed looking at the wall for fourteen hours
*Seeing the mail falling out of the stuffed mailbox and walking right by it.
*Staring at a computer screen for six hours and unable to even reply to an email.
*Not even bothering to check the voicemails; let alone return a call or actually answer the phone.
*Holding a steak knife and wondering how much pain would be involved before dying if I rammed it in my gut.
*Mustering the energy to make a to do list then wallowing in the guilt for failing to accomplish anything on it.
*Disintegration of relationships because it does actually take two people participating.
*Physical aches and pains
*Hearing about someone dying and thinking, “lucky bastard.”
*Looking at a pair of skis and a bike leaning against the wall and not even caring that I used to enjoy those things.
I can put on the happy face for periods of time. Most people who know me probably don’t even know I suffer from depression. Those close to me most certainly know, and they suffer too. I am walking proof that it is not something to just get over (god knows I tried), and I have the literal scars to prove it.
Depression is an illness. It is not an emotion.
I’m Darren, and I suffer from depression.