My facebook feed is often filled with memes meant to inspire or guide. I appreciate these well meant efforts to help me improve my life. I try to take these platitudes to heart, but I have mixed results. In my own effort at assisting my fellow humans, here are some of my observations.
Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having. – I think this underestimates the value of a really good prostitute.
If you don’t learn to control your thoughts, you’ll never learn to control your behavior. – This is solid advice, but it doesn’t go far enough. I’ve found that world domination requires controlling other people’s thoughts.
You mood should not dictate your manners. – Fuck you.
When someone does something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right. – I know, right! I mean one homicide and people get all judgmental.
Don’t complain about things you’re not willing to change. – I’m willing to change the weather. I just don’t know how.
Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try. – Not good advice for the suicidal.
Never stop showing someone how you feel about them. – Sure, some may call it stalking, but don’t let that restraining order stop you!
It is not necessary to react to everything you notice. – Don’t believe this one! It is the zombies trying to influence you!
Don’t wish you were someone else. Be proud of who you are. – Unless you’re the unibomber or a Kardashian. Then, wish you were someone else.
Lead from the back and let others believe they are in front. – Especially useful in combat and street fights.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging. – Unless you’re a miner because you’ll get fired.
Don’t count the days. Make the days count. – I tried this, but my days are dumb as hell. They have to take off their shoes once they get to ten.
You attitude determines your direction. – Apparently my true north is the liquor store.
Do what is right; not what is easy. – Unless nobody is looking. Then, totally do what is easy.
Happy to be of service.