So, we left off with our hero catching up on 30 days of writing prompts. In the first installment he heroically tackled one through ten. I think I like referring to myself in the third person. Today, our hero is tired but will attempt to conquer a few more….
11) You current relationship: I’m engaged. We’ve been engaged for about seven years. Our wedding date, the arbitrary future Saturday we selected, was actually getting close so we picked another one in 2023, I think. She is amazing, beautiful, brilliant, pragmatic, thoughtful, and kind. I bring “crazy nutjob” to the relationship so it balances out.
12) Two words or phrases that make you laugh: Hmmmm, well, “Republican wisdom” always makes me laugh. As a veteran I find “military intelligence” to be hilarious. However, my two favorite phrases are “How hard can it be?” and “Watch this!” I know every time I utter them that things will probably end badly but funny…for others.
13) My commute to/from work: It sucks. I have to navigate some stairs and dogs jumping and…I’ll drive 200 miles, uphill, both ways, to teach an adjunct class if you happen to be in a hiring position.
14) Your life in 7 years: Seven years? Have you met me? I’m happy to live through tomorrow. Seven years…what the fuck!? I would like to sail around the world; however I don’t know how to sail. The person I’d like to sail around the world with, an accomplished sailor and the perfect pragmatist for such a venture, gets seasick. See how fucked up that is?
15) Three pet peeves: Three? Really? I could write every day for a decade on just my pet peeves. High on my list are dick drivers. See us all waiting in a line of traffic to exit? I’m sure your life is so much more important that you feel you should drive all the way to the front and cut in front of me. People who are rude to waiters….almost never is it the waiter’s fault. You being a dick about it just says you’re a dick and never had to work for tips. In a tie for number one are hypocrites and bullies. Rage against gay marriage all you want and legislate against it. I’ll disagree but respect your rights. When you get caught paying a guy to blow you, I hope he bites your dick off and your wife takes everything in the divorce. Bullies are probably number one. Refer back to number two on this list as to why (previous post). I despise those who insult, intimidate, or hurt just because they can. Mix that with short man’s disease, suicidal ideation, pretty good training in physical combat, and general dislike of humans, and I am the friend to have if being bullied…and you don’t mind things escalating quickly.
16) Bullet your entire day: Hmmm, I get up, check the bat phone for messages, take a few calls from world leaders, check to see how high I am on the NY Times bestseller list, clean some shit, fix some shit, try to write a few words, contemplate existential angst, play with my dog, pretend I’m a salesperson and pimp my book, ponder what nice thing I can do for the BSW, somewhere back there I take a shit, and mostly I just try to get through the day, the pain, the disease, and plan to come out swinging tomorrow.
17) A quote you try to live by: “How hard can it be?” This has certainly landed me in deep shit many times, but I think it has brought success just as often. If nothing else, it brings education and experience. “Do you know how to lay a subfloor?” “No, but how hard can it be?” “Can you climb a multi-pitch 5.12?” “I don’t know, but how hard can it be?” It gives permission to try, and trying and failing is always better than not trying.
18) My favorite color and why: I like navy blue…I think. I am color blind. I don’t see a lot of colors, and I confuse the ones I do see. So, I think I like navy blue. It may be fuchsia.
19) Five fears that I have: Donald Trump becomes president. Marco Rubio becomes president. Ben Carson becomes president. Ted Cruz becomes president. Jeb Bush becomes president. Beyond that….there are 10 other republican candidates for president…and I hate snakes. They thoroughly skeeve me out. I also have a strong fear of anything being near my eyes…anything…eye drops, the corner of my pillow, anything. And clowns. I’m fucking terrified of clowns. And rejection, or so my therapists say. I apparently have a strike first, scorched earth fear and response to rejection. I think that’s well more than five.
20) ITunes on shuffle and what are the first three songs and my response to them: First, it was so fucking hard to figure out how to shuffle that I almost scrapped the whole post. So, number one is Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds. It reminds me of Sundays in the army when we’d play whiffle ball in the quad. Second is Counting Crows’ Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby. This song always makes me think of Lori singing it. I’m going to put that on repeat after I figure out how to turn the damn shuffle off. Third is Zac Brown’s Toes in the Water. That reminds me of our trip to the Dominican Republic.
So, there’s another few hundred words I could have devoted to my work in progress. Don’t feel bad. If I hadn’t written this I would have watched Gilligan’s Island (just discovered all episodes are available on TVLand online!)